I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
