Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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