ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
