i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i believe in u and ur pee
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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