You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
