you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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