we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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