His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
