So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
