in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
