East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
