Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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