the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
