the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
