Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
