Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
