she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
