do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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