Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
