Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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