if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
