Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
