Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
