That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
