Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
