If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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