My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
