So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
