I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
