He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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