I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
