Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
