He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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