we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
