Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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