peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
