hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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