If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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