We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm at about main and main street
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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