youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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