I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
