That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
