i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Watching her eat just hurts me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
