Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sober January is a disaster.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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