dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
