I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
