Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
