Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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