In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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