you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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